The Four S's...School....Surgeries...Suffering...Sovereignty

December 4, 2013

It's been almost 4 months already since my last surgery! Time has flown by! I'm down at Biola and I'm loving it. The school is amazing, the classes are great, and the atmosphere of the people is overall pretty awesome! I've made some great friends and life is going well!

School:
I walked into college hoping for a "fresh" start. That may be the cliche phrase whenever people move onto new schools or new locations. They're looking for their next big break and fresh start. I was hoping for a fresh start to redefine myself, or a chance to define myself on my own. I've learned pretty quick that college is a place for really growing and learning who I am myself. It's a time for me to take ownership for decisions and see where they take me. I can succeed or fail, but when I fail I can learn from that. I wanted this fresh start to define me outside of my surgeries. That may seem silly to say, but I wanted to become Katie with out the history of surgeries. I know I couldn't erase my past and that's not what I wanted. I simply wanted to define myself because of the things I chose to do, not because of the circumstances I was put into and had to overcome. Until this part of my life my image has been built off of the girl with the cleft lip and palate. I know people see me as much more than just me and my physical difference. Many people see me as the character and personality I've grown into. I feel when many people see me they see me as someone who has overcome a lot. Someone who's strong, brave, and courageous. I've been defined that way because of the difficulties in my life that I had to make it through. You see, I had to make it through all those surgeries. Well I suppose I didn't have to, but as a Christian I couldn't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I had to overcome the obstacles that God put in my way. If I just sat and complained and felt sorry for myself I wouldn't be the creation God intended me to be. I'm called to use my life to glorify Him, and I couldn't do that if I make the worst out of what He had given me. So I had to overcome and out of that, the image of myself and a lot of the perception of myself stems from my story of overcoming a situation I was given and did not choose. I'm incredibly thankful for my journey, and I wouldn't change it for anything, but coming to Biola was a time for me to create a new image of myself to a brand new audience of people who knew none of my history.

Surgeries: 
My goal with my surgeries was to be completely finished before walking into college. My family and I achieved this goal for the most part, as in we got all the big and necessary surgeries done before I started my freshman year of college. I wanted to be completed with surgeries before starting with college because I didn't want to have the hassle of surgeries during this next phase of life. I wanted to move forward and not see definite surgeries in the future. I wanted to finally live a little bit of life free of major doctors appointments and surgeries after 15 years of doing all that stuff. But I guess I was asking for "too much"...

It's been nearly 4 months since my last surgery and I'm healing slowly overtime. It's expected my nose will take a year to fully heal and become set into place. It's only been 4 months and it's already looking pretty great! You can see over time over the 4 months since my surgery my nose change slowly over time. The most definite change I've seen is the beginning of my bridge between my eyes has become more narrow and more defined. The tip of my nose has also become less swollen and more shaped around the cartilage. It's morphing and changing to it's final product...slowly. The change reminds me of aging, over a larger span of time it's noticeable, but day by day you can't really see it happening. It's coming along!

 

End of August

Very beginning of october

End of October

Near the end of November

Suffering:
The dictionary definition of suffering is as follows: "the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship"...

Since June I have undergone quite a bit of pain due to my surgeries. I was looking forward to letting that part of my life go when walking into college, no more surgeries for a year or however long I want to wait to have another (if I want to do more). I was expecting slight discomfort because of the changing of my nose, but I wasn't expecting much more than that.

I had the full piece of rib cartilage and a half of another one taken out of my body in June. It was an expected 6 weeks until I would be recovered from that where I could breathe without a lot of pain or be able to sit up by myself or lay down on my own. But since then I still have to deal with discomfort  of my ribs. It's been nearly 6 months since that surgery and I still "suffer" from the effects of having rib cartilage removed. I sometimes find myself after sitting for a few hours working on homework for school or just a long amount of time in classes when I stand everything surrounding the area where the rib was removed is tight and sore to move around. I can't easily stand up and start moving, I have to be ready to stretch it out and then get moving. Some positions of just daily living can be uncomfortable because my body is taking its time to recover and fully heal. Some days it can be really frustrating and discouraging.

In addition to my rib cartilage I've had recurring headaches for the last month or so every single day. They come on in the afternoon and last anywhere from 4-6 hours. The headaches can be so strong that functioning within classes can be extremely difficult. My mom and I are thinking it's due to all the medications, anesthesia, and stresses of surgeries that are part of the cause of my headaches. Also my nose is changing too which could be causing them too. But the headaches come in during the day and make functioning through the day a little difficult.

Early October I found out I had another ear infection from surgeries, and it's a common cause that kids with cleft lip and palates have ear, nose and throat problems. I have definitely had a fair share of ear infections in my day. I saw a doctor down here to check out my ear and it turns out I have not one, but two holes in my ear drums. One hole in each ear, which has caused my hearing to decrease. The doctors prediction was that I have mild to moderate hearing loss and the more I choose to swim or have water drain into my ear the more my hearing will decrease. Bummer.

I'm not writing this to complain to you, I'm writing this to say that even with the hopes that I could let go of all my surgeries and escape to a place I could live without suffering and without that part of the past, it wasn't part of the plan. I have a very wise friend I've met down here who said something that stood out the most: that in the midst of everything "God is Sovereign"

Sovereignty:
I'm reading this great book right now, "Surprised by Suffering", for one of my classes but it has such wise lessons. One of the verses in it was 2 Corinthians 4:8-10, "we are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed- always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" Although I may be going through a lot right now, I'm not "destroyed". God is sovereign and He knows exactly what He is doing with me. 

I wish I could say I have had this great faith through these last 4 months, but truth is, even though I go to a Bible university, I have faith that can be doubting. Some days, when a lot of things around me feel like they're collapsing and relationships are falling, and pain is taking me from enjoying the day, and grades are slipping; I doubt the very existence of God. I don't think it's wrong to doubt, I think it's part of the process of gaining a stronger faith. It becomes a problem when the doubting becomes the faith, where I never pick myself up and come to the conclusion that God does not exist. That becomes the problem. But I am so blessed to have such a surrounding of people who are uprooted in Christ and can pour words of wisdom and guide me back onto the path. Sometimes it seems like it's a Christian fall back to just say "God's in control" when we lose control or feel like we have lost complete control, but I think in those times when we lose our control, God can finally take control and we can find him in the mess of things. 

In the midst of all the pain and stress, God is sovereign. 

So...
In the end, I've realized I can't outrun or escape the me that was created and built from my cleft lip and palate. Because if I didn't have that, I wouldn't be a Scheel, I wouldn't live here, I wouldn't be attending a private Christian University, I wouldn't be learning more about God or necessarily even know about Him, and I wouldn't be surrounded by such amazing family and friends. Who I have become in Christ, wouldn't be me if I hadn't been born with a cleft lip and palate. Through all the "suffering" and trials that have come out of that my identity was found and placed in Christ. That identity is the only identity that truly matters. All the "good" I can do is because of the good work God has done in me. All credit of my character and actions that I choose do whether it is apart or separate from my surgeries ultimately should all point back to God, not me. So that idea to create a new me, or create a me separate from how God created me to be isn't bringing glory to God the way He has intended it to be since the day of birth. As my 6 word story says, "Loved, Given Away, God's Plan, Adopted" This is all God's plan, every joy and pain that comes along.

January: 
I have a check up with my plastic surgeon in January to see how progress is with my nose so far, hopefully everything will be as he was hoping if not better! I'll post again after I hear the results! Thank you for taking time to read this and continue to be apart of my journey, or just now stepping in to be apart of it. 

-Katie
1 Peter 4:12-13
"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy"

Finished...For Reals.

Well, it’s August 22, 2013 as I write this final blog for a while. It’s almost unreal to be at the end of the road. A couple years ago it was the beginning of the last stretch where the end looked so near. We were expecting to be done within a few months but a few months turned into a couple years. It was a hard journey the last little bit, but it was worth it. I learned a lot, grew a lot and went through a lot. But we finally made it.

On August 6^th I went in for the redo of my nose construction. The last time it warped and caused a bump out of my nose and the cartilage started turning. My doctor was greatly disappointed and so were we. We chose to fix it as soon as we could. In this surgery he decided to take the whole rib cartilage out and cut it into 4 pieces. He shaved down the bump and used it to fill in the dip. In addition to that he took the 4 pieces of cartilage and layered them one on top of another and stitched  and screwed them down so they couldn’t warp anymore. He also took donor cartilage and put into my nose to further support the tip. I usually struggle with nausea from surgeries so we order an anti nausea patch to put behind my ear and that usually helps a lot. But this surgery I really had a hard time and couldn’t kick it. I think it was due to the double amount of anesthesia and meds in such a short period of time.

What nurses and doctors don’t tell you to expect from surgeries is the constipation that is caused because of all the medications. It’s not something most people want to talk about, but it is a factor that people forget. The medications shut down my body for days and I became toxic inside and got really sick. My family was all in Montana during this time so we had a family friend staying with me and I had my best friend and my boyfriend both hanging around the house taking turns. It was a blessing to have people looking out for me, God has always been good in that way. I quit taking heavy pain meds when I started getting sick feeling thinking I could handle nothing after a week from my surgery, but I soon found out it was too painful and sore. I still didn’t take anything until it got really bad and when I did it wasn’t a heavy pain med so it didn’t fully do the job but it made it a little more comfortable.

The surgery all went really well. We saw him on 19^th and he was really pleased! Everything was looking straight and the swelling was going down. It’s still going down. My nose will keep changing for the following year and won’t be set into its final form until next summer. So far everything is great and looking good.

Meanwhile during recovery my dentist and I have been working on my new set of teeth. Several appointments for molds, wax fittings, metal framework fittings, acrylic fitting and the final fitting. We got my teeth all created; it’s a crazy appliance. Half of it is metal framework, the same titanium used in parts of airplanes, and the front is an acrylic where the teeth are. Within the teeth are 3 holes with metal housing and rubber gaskets to lock into my 3 metal implants in my jawbone. The back of the retainer clasps around my molars in my back and that’s how it all fits in. I can bite now and that is so exciting. My boyfriend, Nathan, took me to the dentist while my parents were gone because I was on pains meds and I wasn’t “allowed” to drive. He got to watch it all as they fit it in and made adjustments, unscrewed and screwed everything back in. When we were all finished we went to my parent’s bakery and as we pulled in and parked I was so excited about my teeth and he was taking too long to get out of the car so I looked at him and said “I wanna go bite something!” It was a good laugh, but really I have never been able to fully bite something with all my front teeth. The first thing I bit was a piece of Great Harvest Cinnamon chip bread! So good and so exciting! It’s amazing what little things can excite you when you’re not used to it and things are made so much easier. I ran downstairs after I bit into a cupcake and it left teeth marks in the frosting and I had to run down my stairs to show my mom how excited I was about teeth marks in my food! The joy of little things.

As I write this I’m sitting in the car driving down to SoCal to embark on a brand new journey, college. Nothing like this journey. It’s crazy to look back and see 15 years ago I was brought over to the US into a new family and a new beginning. 17 years ago I was born and taken to an orphanage in hopes I would have a great opportunity to live a better life. Now I’m here, closing the door to what has been the greatest journey of my life so far. It’s almost unreal to not be looking forward at the next surgery and the next thing to fix on my face. Now I’m walking forward through new doors into college where a new journey will begin with new trials and new friends. My surgeries are complete my strength has grown and my faith has been stretched to new heights. I’m looking forward to this new beginning, a fresh start.

(published this post once I got to school :)) 

I’m all finished. It is the greatest relief to see that I have no more necessary surgeries. It’s my choice next summer to do one more surgery to do a lip graft to increase movement and even out my lips, but for now I’m done. My next doctors appointment isn’t until January, a check up to see the progress of my new nose as it continues to unswell.

Thank you to all who have walked with me through my journey, whether it was from day one or a few months ago. Every prayer, encouragement, card, flowers or anything has helped me get through it even more. Thank you to my parents who have continually supported and given me so much to make it all possible, I’ve truly been blessed. Especially to my mom who has held my hand through many appointments and surgeries. I admire her strength and constant love and support through it all. She is an amazing mom. Thank you to my siblings who always were here when I needed them and encouraged and prayed for me from anywhere in the world as I finished up. Thank you Nathan for the 4 years of journeying through it all with me and sitting with me through many chick flicks and recovery days when I hardly remembered you being there. It’s been amazing to have you with me as I went through the hardest 2 years of my journey. Your continual encouragement and prayer got me through so much. Finally, thank you to all my friends who came to visit me and prayed for me. Especially Meghan who came as often as she could since grade school walking through it with me. You’ve been such a great best friend! Everyone’s support has meant the world to me. May God bless you as you have blessed me.

Numbers 6:24-26: “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

Surgery #15...Not done yet.

Well last I posted it was about my last surgery which was roughly 7 weeks ago. Double surgery summer. I have once again another surgery on Tuesday, August 6th at 7:30am. This surgery will be #15.  Each surgery is just a little more draining than that last and this process leading to this next surgery proved even more to me that I'm human. I have limits, I hold anger, I can be selfish and I try to do too much too soon. I get into surgery mode, I try to push aside the emotional effects each surgery can have on me and just try to focus on the things that need to be done and stuff the rest down. That's not healthy and within these 7 weeks between the last surgery and this surgery I've found I hit what seemed to be my max.

It was an option to do the corrective surgery this summer or wait till Christmas or next summer. But I'm going into college in 3 weeks and wanted this part of my life to left at the door as I entered this new adventure. I didn't want to have to come home and face another surgery because the one the following year failed. I wanted to piece it all together and move on. This nose surgery was to be the stepping stone to the end. But it wasn't. We have to do "take two" as my doctor put it. It's a blessing to be in a family that can financially get it to work to keep repairing my face. More than ever this surprise of another surgery has caused tears and frustration within the house. I didn't realize how much effect getting ready for another surgery would have on me. We didn't know what would have to be done whether more cartilage had to be taken out of me or if we'd have to start all over and hope for a better result. It was all up in the air and time has been running to fit it all within the schedule. Part of me doesn't want to have to go through another surgery and deal with all the pain and medications put into me. But part of me knows this is what "needs" to be done in order to get the best result and be finished. 

We saw my doctor on Thursday and discussed what was to be done for this next surgery. He decided to removed the whole piece of cartilage in my nose and shave off the bump of cartilage that is warped upwards and take that piece to fill in the dip in my nose in order to make the bridge of the nose "straight". He said there are special sutchers that can be used to hold the cartilage into place. He also wants to secure the tip of my nose better and will be using donor cartilage to hold it up. Then he will place the cartilage back into my nose. My cartilage also warped to the left so he will shave on some of the side too to create the straight look up and down as well. Thankfully he doesn't have to take any more cartilage from my body. He said theres less chance of the cartilage warping any more since it's had a while to sit and form on it's own again. 

My nose has shifted and unswelled a lot since the last surgery but recorrective surgeries on a nose that has already been corrected takes a longer to heal. I was told it'd take 6-12 months until my nose is fully set into place and done changing. 

Thanks for all the continuous prayer and support through all these surgeries. It's been hard and sometimes feels impossible, but my family, friends and ultimately God gets me through each one. He never gives me more than I can handle. I've been equipped with the strength needed to get through and I'm almost done. A few more steps and maybe this journey will come to a close. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

Thank you all,

Katie 

Surgery #14...Keep Pushing Forward...leading to Surgery #15

Philippians 4:13- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Some things in life don't always go as we hope. Some times in life we take two steps forward and one step back. But why? I'm not sure. But God doesn't owe me any explaination. But it's up to me to get through it one step at a time whether it's forward or backwards or sideways or upside down. I have to keep persevering even when I feel like giving up.

On June 18th I went in for my 14th surgery. I was hoping it would be my last for quite a while. So we snapped a photo of me with my doctor (Dr. Dierks) expecting it to be our last surgery together. He's been with me for 15 years and watched me grow up and has done extraordinary work on me. It's been such a blessing to have the best doctor in the nation work on me and reconstruct everything to make it functional and look it's best.

Dr. Dierks and I

This surgery we were rebuilding my nose. Well completely constructing it from my rib cartilage. The goal was to recreate my nose and build it upwards. I had a deviated septum and couldn't fully breathe well. By building my nose up it would open the air passage more and allow me to breathe more fully as well as create a nose with a bridge. In order to this they cut an incision right below my right breast about an inch and a half long and went in and removed rib cartilage.

 At the end of each rib there is roughly 7-8cm of rib cartilage that attaches the bone to the sternum. My doctor was hoping to in and in a sense "hollow" out a strip of rib cartilage. Imagine taking a log and hollowing out the inside to make a canoe. He was hoping to do that for me, but unfortunately I didn't have enough rib cartilage for him to do that and construct my nose. Instead he took out the entire chunk of rib cartilage attached to my bone and half of another one. So currently I have a space between 2 rib bones and sternum which created a floating rib. He then took the strips of rib cartilage and put them into my nose to create a bridge and put a cast on the outside.

The pain levels of this surgery was one of the worst. The first thing that hurt the most was my ribs. I went into surgery at about 1pm and didn't wake up till around 5:30. My surgery lasted roughly 3 and a half hours. We got to stay in the huge rooms since my surgery was later and the day surgery rooms close sometime in the afternoon. Once I gained enough consciousness again I immediately felt pain in my ribs and was ranging between a 7-8 on the 1-10 pain scale. I was prescribed oxycodon every 4 hours for 3 days. I usually don't follow what is prescribed for pain meds because I hate having it in me and the way it makes me feel, but this one I had to follow and eventually eased myself off of it onto Vicodin and then onto ibuprofen after about 10 days. I'm still recovering now and will for the next 6 months to a year. Once my ribs started settling down from my pain, my nose started regaining feeling again and that was just as painful. Barely bumping it would ache. My bruising wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I mostly had bruising beneath my eyes spreading into my nose and one morning I was swollen under my eyes enough I couldn't open them enough to get contacts in. Swelling improved each day and eventually was all gone. 

My cast was to come off in 3-7 days and it took about 7 days until I finally got it all wet and peeled it off. It was either I take it off or my doctor takes it off the next day and I preferred taking it off myself.

On the 27th my mom and I went to Portland for my post-op appointment. My doctor wanted to see how my nose was healing and look inside of it and do all the check up stuff. He immediately wasn't happy with what he saw. He was pleased with the tip of my nose though which is said to be the hardest thing to create. As my mom calls it, it's a "cute" tip of my nose. What he was unpleased with the top of my nose closest to my eyes. At the top there is a bump which I thought was just a lot of swelling but it turns out to be the end of my rib cartilage poking into my skin. What happened was the straight piece of cartilage "warped" and bent upwards causing the end of the cartilage to poke out of nose and middle of it to be bent inwards.

Since I have a piece of cartilage poking into my skin and causing a bump in my nose, we have to go back in and get it fixed. We would like to have everything completed before I head off to college in August. As of now I have surgery 15 scheduled for August 6th. I go in on the 1st of August to see how much my swelling decreased and if the surgery is still necessary, but as the days go by the swelling is going down but the cartilage is still poking up. After 2 weeks though the cartilage has shifted more and moved around becoming a little straighter each day, but the cartilage isn't bending back down. We got the news and my mom was more bummed out than I was at first. I think because I hadn't fully processed what had just happened. It wasn't until we were walking out of the doctors office when it really hit me what was going on and what was about to happen...again.

I was being faced with another surgery that failed. I've experienced this once before 2 years ago when we first embarked on this specific adventure. The first bone graft we attempted had failed, and I had to process that one too. In hindsight to that surgery I concluded that God was pulling me back from a life that was moving at 90 miles per hour when I thought I had everything lined up and working for me. But he was showing me that I had to depend on him to get through everything. Since then I've kept that in mind. But this surgery I have no idea. But God doesn't owe me any explanation. The surgery 2 years ago was so difficult to get over, to move past that bump and the hole I felt like I sunk into when it failed and everything was on pause. Just when things were looking good again and the end of the road was just in sight, another wall stood in the way.

I shut down in the car when my mom and I drove home. I couldn't speak about it without feeling like tears were welling up into my eyes. To me another failed surgery isn't just about the surgery not working, it's looking ahead and seeing what I have to go through again. I was so excited about being done for at least a year or maybe even done for good heading into this last surgery. But God had other plans. I've tried to process what i'm going into again. The full course of a surgery. It's something I'm used to now and know the ropes pretty well, but each surgery is a little more draining than the last. Especially these last few surgeries since they are some huge ones. They are physically and emotionally draining. Since June 30, 2011 I have had a surgery nearly every 3-4 months which adds up to 6 surgeries in 2 years. So looking ahead to one more surgery within 6 weeks of the last one is exhausting just thinking about. We can question it over and over as to why this is happening to me again and ask "haven't I been through enough?" But what good does that do? It is what it is and I have to get through it. My mom and I have had a hard time getting through it all and processing it all. But she is amazing and said it's about perspective. People have it 10x worse than me, a cleft lip and palate can be a big deal if you compare it to a person who scraped a knee. But if I look at a dear friend of mine who is facing the beginning of fighting cancer, my cleft lip and palate is minuscule. It's something, but as a Christian God never gives us more than we can handle. Trusting Him will get me through this. It's not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it at times.

It's hard sometimes to stay composed and try to be the strongest I can be when an area of my life feels like it's falling apart and when crying feels like the most needed escape. My mom and I have walked through all of this together since day one. Her being a mom she feels the pain her kids go through and so if I break I'm afraid she will break even more. I've tried to stay composed and just battle through this, but sometimes it's ok just to break down and let it out. Everything in me doesn't want to do another surgery and go through it once more. But if this is what I have to go through once more to reach the end and as close to perfection with my final stage, then so be it. I will go through anything and repeat anything to finish off my mouth and nose. The end is coming, maybe not at my pace, but it is coming. And through this pain and extra surgery I believe God will do something great. 

One of my best friends told me it's unreasonable to say everything won't be ok because it will be in the end. God has never deserted me and won't start now. I'm exhausted of surgeries and just want to be done, but God has different plans for me and I'll be done on his timing. It's easy to say these things and I know I believe it and I know it's true, but I'm human and still fall into the darkness of failure and frustration with how all this is going. My mom said it's ok to be human at times especially one of these times. God doesn't expect us to be happy and cheerful all the time. There will be troubles in this world and we can express our pain, anger, frustration whatever it is, but we can't wallow in it for good. There comes a time when we have to pick ourselves up, wipe off our tears and step forward. 

On August 6th I will have to step forward and bring my journey to a close hopefully. As of now I have many dentist appointments from now until I leave to college to create my final set of teeth. Due to the lack of tissue in my upper jaw and not quite enough implants to support 5 teeth, we have decided to do semi permanent implants. It will be an appliance that will snap into my 3 implants and will clasp into a couple of my back molars. It will be removable every night for cleaning but sturdy enough to bite food like i've never been able to before. I have many molds, and fittings to get it perfect for me. It's an appliance that hopefully will never have to be fully replaced but maybe in the far future be adjusted or repaired a little. "Real" teeth are coming finally! 

As of now I am still recovering.  I have new floating ribs in my body when I lay down flat it causes pain as the rib is sticking up more and getting caught on the backside of my incision. I have dissolvable stitches inside of me that will eventually cause the scar to flatten out and get smaller. But the pain is much less now and muscle use is increasing daily. I can open a car door again :) My nose is doing much better as well, the swelling is getting less and less each day but full recovery of it won't be for 6-12 months. Especially since we have to go back in and fix it in August. The road of recovery is pretty smooth so far! Thank you for all the prayers! 

 

It's easy to get caught up in the negatives in life, and a lot harder to find the positives when things aren't going your way. But look here at me as a toddler who had my mouth wide open and not "normal" but that didn't stop me from being absolutely happy. Sometimes I wish I could be that happy child so easily again where the fears and the trials of life wouldn't drag me down and make me stop for a moment to really think if I want to be that happy. It's incredible to me to look back at how I was and look forward at how I am now.

Even though I don't have the most perfect nose in the world, I've come a long way since I was born. I have more things to be happy about in the world than the few imperfections and large bumps in the road. What ahead isn't the best, but it's not the worst either. I just have to keep pushing forward.

Thank you to all of you who continue to pray for me and walk along side me through this journey. I couldn't do it without you and your continuous prayer.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

-Katie

Past Surgery #13... Past Procedure #2...Procedure #3 (possibly)...THE FINALE (for now) Surgery #14

[BEWARE: Much reading ahead :) and one "graphic" photo (sorta)]

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

Wow! Another surgery down and another procedure down! That puts me at 13 surgeries and 2 procedures! The ending is coming but I still got a few more steps to go! 

This last surgery was a bit of uncertainty as we went into it. We knew we were testing the bases of my implants and doing some tissue graft but we didnt have a plan B or a plan C if it didnt work. My doctor just went in and did his work as usual, no back up plan. So once again on March 26th at 4:30am my mom, dad and I all left to Portland for another surgery. We had to check in at 5:30 and surgery was at 7:30. The morning is very routine now, hospital gown, questions, height, weight, blood pressure, pulse and usually IV but I have anxiety with IVs and the last 2 times they let me be put to sleep first so they did the same with this surgery as well. At about 7am they rolled me up to the pre-op room where we were greeted by different nurses, anesthesiologist, doctors and then Dr. Dierks. 

Since I'm 17 now I get to sign consent for various medical related things :)

 My doctor explained to us exactly what he was going to do:

      He was going to test the 3 metal bases in my upper jaw using an aluminum screw and a special wand. It created a type of magnetic field around the tooth and tested the amount of movement at the base. The range of movement was scaled on a 1-99% scale, we wanted it to fall somewhere between 60 to 70 if I remember correctly. He tested it and it fell around a 67. So currently it tested well enough to continue. 

      In addition to testing the bases, my doctor was also doing a tissue graft. Since the summer of 2011 they had sewn down my upper lip to my upper gum tissue. They needed more tissue to help cover my jaw bone while bone grafting and later placing the metal bases. But since the first round of bone grafting didnt work, I had to continue the tissue graft for even longer. Finally in this last surgery they were able to cut it and sew it back up. But in order to cut it and free it from the upper jaw, they had to get tissue from another source to finish covering it.My doctor took two strips of tissue from upper palate and grafted it onto my upper jaw. He then placed a plastic stent over the raw tissue and screwed in 3 screws into my jaw bone to hold the stent in place. For pain relief he padded my retainer to cover the raw tissue where he removed the strips. I had 2 weeks to go with raw tissue and screws in my upper jaw. Which leads me to procedure 2.

                                                          



Blue squares: Three screws placed into my upper jaw bone to hold plastic stent in place

Green square: One of 3 metal teeth implants screwed into my bone

Purple square: Raw tissue from removing a little of tongue graft to flatten more
My recovery took about a week and half, which seemed longer than most and longer endurance of pain. The tissue graft was fairly painful and stung a lot. I had to wait a minimal of 2 weeks before I could get the screws removed and the plastic taken out. Felt like forever the more I anticipated the screws coming out. The catch was with this procedure was that I would be awake. I've only been awake for one other procedure which was my gingevectomy  way back when I was younger. That one they burned my gum tissue off around my teeth and smelling that while awake was awful. So being awake during procedures scare me. I was told this one wouldn't be too painful. Just a little tug at first and then the screws would come out nice and easy. Well they sprayed me with the topical numbing and then went through probably 5 screw drivers until they could find the right size to fit the screws. Then my doctor began. The first screw didnt hurt at all, but the last two were extemely painful. I rarely cry over pain, but this one I couldn't hold in my tears. The pain and the feeling of screws being removed was 
too much. The numbing didn't work and I felt majority of the last 2 screws being removed. But it felt amazing to get everything out finally. Dr. Dierks said everything grafted as he wanted. He said the stent created a "trench" form in my upper jaw gum tissue and that he would need me back in for another procedure to correct it within a month. 

       Procedure #3...I was scheduled to go in May 16th to have the excess tissue graft cut/unattached and resewn up. Back in April my doctor said it was unlikely to have the tissue heal enough where I wouldn't have to have the procedure so we were all expecting I would have it. I was most anxious for this one because this time he would numb me with needles. Needles are incredibly painful, painful by itself in normal gum tissue but with scar tissue it feels like its 10x worse. I already have problems with IVs so this procedure was stressing me. Thankfully I had a huge AP test the day before it so it took all my focus off up until the procedure and we were prescribed an anti anxiety pill to take before to help with me not stressing myself out. We arrived to the office and my doctor took a look and said the band of tissue that he would have had to cut was healed and softened enough he didn't need to do the procedure [answer to prayer, I have a big God :)]. Truly amazing in such a short amount of time the healing that needed to be done and that wasn't expected to be done, happened. I was able to relax and not have to have the procedure. Luckily I hadn't taken the pill yet that would make me drowsy for 6 hours for no reason :) 

These are just a few of my hospital bands I've gotten to wear and I get to wear another in June.

      Since we didn't have to do the procedure we were able to talk about my next phase and my final huge surgery. Surgery #14 scheduled for June 18th at 7:30am. This is one of the biggest surgeries I will have done. Dr. Dierks will be correcting my deviated septum and building me a nose that will be 100% working and looking as close to perfect as we can get :) This surgery will be roughly 4 hours since it has multiple parts to it. He originally said he would use cadaver rib cartilage but this time said it would be best to use my own since my body would dissolve a significantly less amount. He will make a small incision in my body right below the breast and remove a piece of rib cartilage. He uses cartilage instead of bone because it will make the nose more flexible and not so stiff. He will take two pieces or one and divide it into two in order to create an "L" shape. The bone will then pull my nose tighter and create a bridge for me and also create the division between the two nostrils to support the tip of my nose. They cut below the nose and lift the skin up and work beneath it all. In 4 hours he will correct my septum, graft from my ribs, and build the nose up. 

Blue lines represent the rib cartilage placement

    There is only one major risk ( it rarely ever happens, but they are legally obliged to tell us). Through cutting an incision and removing the cartilage above my lung it is possible to create a leak where air is surrounding the outside of my lung rather than going into it which could cause my lung to flatten. But my doctor can correct it while in surgery and suck the air out. It also could create a drain and they would have to place a tube into the side of me for a certain amount of time to drain the fluid out. Luckily my doctor said this rarely ever happens, and he will do a chest scan at the end of the surgery to make sure everything in place and there is no damage. 

     In addition to the "nose job" we are aiming to have my 5 front teeth put into place. They can screw my teeth in and build my nose all in one surgery. Until then I have dentist appointments and orthodontist appointments to get everything lined up and created to be used. Close to the finish line!

    Recovery time...It will take a full month to significantly unswell. By that time my nose will be at a stage that the new shape will be visible. After that month I will slowly continue to unswell and a year out I will have finally stopped unswelling and be as I will be. So roughly a year from start to finish! Big step!

     I keep saying this is the finale (possibly) simply because this is the end of all huge surgeries, everything I have ever worked towards the finish line. But after this any surgery I have will be touch ups and small detail stuff I don't "have" to have done. I could possibly have one next summer to even out my lips and do a lip graft, but thats not certain. So for now this is the FINALE. I just ask if you could pray for peace and minor stress as this huge surgery approaches. As well as strength for me and my family, especially my mom as she pours out so much for me to support me and keep me strong through recoveries. I also ask for prayer over my doctors who operate on me for wisdom of how to build everything and the one rare risk doesn't happen to me. 

      Thank you to all who have journeyed with me through it all since I was first brought here or even to those who just recently met me and have supported me through this last crazy year of surgery pit stops every 3 months! The support and prayers are truly encouraging and I couldn't do it without all of you and the prayer warriors out there! This journey has been crazy, had ups and downs, triumphs and failures and it's still not quite done, but the finish line is in sight. I have such wonderful friends and an amazing family who I couldn't do these surgeries without. One last step and we can rest. 

With a thankful heart and a beaming smile,

Katie 

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many 
kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

        

Surgery #13...To Have Faith

Luke 12:22, 25, 26-
      "Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

        Another blog post must mean another surgery! That is exactly it. In 3 weeks on Tuesday the 26th of March at 7:30am I will be going in for surgery #13! Crazy to me that I'm already nearing another surgery, I would think I would be used to it by now, but not quite yet! Time really flies and that is something I never can get used to. Well 4 months ago exactly (November 4th) I went in for another surgery expecting to do more bone grafting and trying to get my upper jaw ready for the base of my teeth implants. But God had another plan and amazed us all, He grew more bone within the last 2 weeks before that surgery which gave me just enough bone to skip more bone grafting and go straight to putting in 3 implants. Since then we have been waiting to see if my bone was strong enough to accept these bases...been quite the wait.

       On the 26th of this month I will be going in to have them tested. They were screwed into my upper jaw beneath the gum tissue so currently they are not visible. It is an electronic test to see if my bone accepted the metal which means I have to be put to sleep for surgery. While my doctor is in there he is planning to unsew my upper lip, which has been sewn down for probably the last year and a half or so to graph tissue and help cover all the bone grafting. Since he is freeing my upper lip he will replace that gum tissue graft with even more grafting from my upper palate. He is planning to strip the roof of my mouth of gum tissue and graft it over my upper jaw. If everything goes according to plan and my body accepted the metal then hopefully and prayerfully two weeks out from this surgery I will go back in to put my permanent teeth in...something I have been waiting for for a long time. If I can get through this next surgery with no set backs then this phase of surgeries will finally be complete and I will be that much closer to the finish.

       I have been in this position before, where everything was just one step away from making huge progress. But the last time I was here the surgery to see how it all worked ended up only showing that it was a failure. I had to rewind 4 months and start over. It was the first time where I had fully experienced a failure, a set back, and a huge change of plans in my journey of surgeries. It was the first time where I doubted God's plan with all my surgeries and when I felt the most broken and weak by this journey. I had become so consumed by the future and assumed too much that everything would work out just because it always had. I was blind to the big picture, that the one who always was here for me was who deserved all the thanks and praise from me. I learned the hard way, when I hit rock bottom and knew I couldn't fully depend on myself, my doctors, my family but ultimately I had to depend on God. Once I picked myself off the ground from that set back, I was on fire to trust and rely on God for the next surgery and he proved himself to be faithful to me.

        Yet now another 4 months later when I'm faced with another future determining surgery somehow the burning flame to trust God has dimmed within me. Its been so easy lately to lose focus and want to just take control. I want everything to line up with this surgery so I can move forward, I fall into wanting to choose a college that is most appealing to me and I want to serve at my church and continue to pour out, but I can't pour out and I can't choose and I can't move forward unless God is in control. Life in general has felt heavy and busy and I have no doubt become so worried. Worried about it all, the small things and the huge things. Within just these last few days I have felt the most worn down as my next surgery approaches but my God is GOOD and faithful and has reminded me to have faith in Him and to STOP WORRYING. Because worrying won't make me any stronger or change the speed of time, but instead I need to let it go and give it all to Him. Its the most difficult thing for me to do, but every day calls for me to do this. Especially these days where I worry the most that my body hasn't taken the bone and worry that it will be another failure. But I have 3 weeks until I get to go in and see and God can do marvelous things in 3 weeks. I just have to give him control.

         I'm on the downward slope to all my surgeries and I just ask for prayer that my body with take all the metal and will grab hold of it tightly and pass the electronic test. I also ask for prayer over me and my family as they support me and pour so much strength and energy out to keep me going and pushing through more surgeries. I thank you all for your continual support and prayer for these past few years or maybe even all my life :) You guys are awesome!

"Faith is dependence upon God. And this God dependence only begins when self dependence ends"-James McConkey

Katie :)