Surgery #13...To Have Faith

Luke 12:22, 25, 26-
      "Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

        Another blog post must mean another surgery! That is exactly it. In 3 weeks on Tuesday the 26th of March at 7:30am I will be going in for surgery #13! Crazy to me that I'm already nearing another surgery, I would think I would be used to it by now, but not quite yet! Time really flies and that is something I never can get used to. Well 4 months ago exactly (November 4th) I went in for another surgery expecting to do more bone grafting and trying to get my upper jaw ready for the base of my teeth implants. But God had another plan and amazed us all, He grew more bone within the last 2 weeks before that surgery which gave me just enough bone to skip more bone grafting and go straight to putting in 3 implants. Since then we have been waiting to see if my bone was strong enough to accept these bases...been quite the wait.

       On the 26th of this month I will be going in to have them tested. They were screwed into my upper jaw beneath the gum tissue so currently they are not visible. It is an electronic test to see if my bone accepted the metal which means I have to be put to sleep for surgery. While my doctor is in there he is planning to unsew my upper lip, which has been sewn down for probably the last year and a half or so to graph tissue and help cover all the bone grafting. Since he is freeing my upper lip he will replace that gum tissue graft with even more grafting from my upper palate. He is planning to strip the roof of my mouth of gum tissue and graft it over my upper jaw. If everything goes according to plan and my body accepted the metal then hopefully and prayerfully two weeks out from this surgery I will go back in to put my permanent teeth in...something I have been waiting for for a long time. If I can get through this next surgery with no set backs then this phase of surgeries will finally be complete and I will be that much closer to the finish.

       I have been in this position before, where everything was just one step away from making huge progress. But the last time I was here the surgery to see how it all worked ended up only showing that it was a failure. I had to rewind 4 months and start over. It was the first time where I had fully experienced a failure, a set back, and a huge change of plans in my journey of surgeries. It was the first time where I doubted God's plan with all my surgeries and when I felt the most broken and weak by this journey. I had become so consumed by the future and assumed too much that everything would work out just because it always had. I was blind to the big picture, that the one who always was here for me was who deserved all the thanks and praise from me. I learned the hard way, when I hit rock bottom and knew I couldn't fully depend on myself, my doctors, my family but ultimately I had to depend on God. Once I picked myself off the ground from that set back, I was on fire to trust and rely on God for the next surgery and he proved himself to be faithful to me.

        Yet now another 4 months later when I'm faced with another future determining surgery somehow the burning flame to trust God has dimmed within me. Its been so easy lately to lose focus and want to just take control. I want everything to line up with this surgery so I can move forward, I fall into wanting to choose a college that is most appealing to me and I want to serve at my church and continue to pour out, but I can't pour out and I can't choose and I can't move forward unless God is in control. Life in general has felt heavy and busy and I have no doubt become so worried. Worried about it all, the small things and the huge things. Within just these last few days I have felt the most worn down as my next surgery approaches but my God is GOOD and faithful and has reminded me to have faith in Him and to STOP WORRYING. Because worrying won't make me any stronger or change the speed of time, but instead I need to let it go and give it all to Him. Its the most difficult thing for me to do, but every day calls for me to do this. Especially these days where I worry the most that my body hasn't taken the bone and worry that it will be another failure. But I have 3 weeks until I get to go in and see and God can do marvelous things in 3 weeks. I just have to give him control.

         I'm on the downward slope to all my surgeries and I just ask for prayer that my body with take all the metal and will grab hold of it tightly and pass the electronic test. I also ask for prayer over me and my family as they support me and pour so much strength and energy out to keep me going and pushing through more surgeries. I thank you all for your continual support and prayer for these past few years or maybe even all my life :) You guys are awesome!

"Faith is dependence upon God. And this God dependence only begins when self dependence ends"-James McConkey

Katie :)