"But the waiting time, my brothers, is the hardest time of all"-unknown
Well the clock has just kept running since the last I wrote in February. The last entry I talked about how my surgeries to grow bone failed, what failure looked like for me, the disappointment and the frustration that came about from it. I also talked about when trials come like these its where people like myself, as a Christian, has to remember to fully keep their faith. It's almost cliche to me to hear or say "God has the ultimate plan, don't worry about it", but the problem I have with that statement is that I know God has the ultimate plan, and I know I don't need to worry about it, but I'm human. It's natural to worry, natural to have fears, natural to be disappointed, angry, sad, caught up in the moment. But looking back to my life since the beginning, I see God really has the plan and always has. He took me on a journey within the past year to learn what it really means to have faith in a God that I cannot see versus just saying I do, and not give up on Him when life doesn't go my way ...
It has been a year since I had the doctor's appointment to see what the next step in my journey was. At that appointment we learned that I needed more bone in my upper jaw before we could put dental implants in and eventually rebuild my nose where I could breathe properly and have a fully functioning face. That appointment in April was the pre-op appointment for my first surgery to grow bone in my jaw that following June 2011. February 2012 came around when we found out about the bone not working out to grow and that my doctor needed more time to devise a new plan.
Fast forward to May 1, 2012, my parents and I had a conference call with my doctor, Dr. Dierks, to hear of his plan to once again grow bone in my upper jaw. A year later and we are back to where we started this time hopefully having a plan that will be successful! Dr. Dierks told us he talked to different doctors around the country as well as around the world and discussed me, the process I am in and how he was looking for a new plan for this bone graft. Eventually he came together with a new idea and shared it with us on May 1st. The plan for this upcoming surgery, June 19th, is rather invasive and more work than the last, but should be successful. In this surgery he will drill a hole into my hip, a hole about the size of a pencil, he will drill in and pull some bone from the inside out. He compared it to drilling for oil. He needs my bone to use the stem cells, and with those he will add it to a mix of cadaver bone as well as BMP. BMP is bone morphogenetic protein, it is something that will enhance the bone growth and help fuse the bone together. They will take this mixture put it into another titanium mesh screen and screw it back into my jaw bone. This will be about a 1-2 week recovery for this surgery. Just like last summer's surgery it will be around another 4 months each step as we wait for the bone to grow and eventually wait to see if the newly grown bone will take the dental implants! I'd have to say I am pretty nervous about this upcoming surgery, mostly because no longer is it just my mouth they are working on but they will be using my hip as well. As I remember back to 3rd grade when my doctor used my hip bone for a previous surgery, working with the bone hurt! A lot! Probably one of the most painful surgeries or recovery I've had in this process, besides the tongue sewn up surgery that I think was more traumatizing than painful.
The greatest part about fear or nervousness or anything that is not of God, is that I don't have to face it alone. Although I may be facing another surgery again soon I know that when the time comes I'll have my family, friends, and most of all God. In this past week I got to look back with hundreds of others of two 17 year old lives that were lost. One of them battling cancer and one battling the daily desire just to be accepted but facing the hardships of what set him apart from others. I learned in one day how important it truly is to lean on God and that the trials we face daily are not impossible to get through but possible only if we put all our hope and trust in the only one who can give us the strength to get through anything. I learned that I should walk through every trial I face and every surgery I will continue to face until the end with a smile and a happy heart because I have a great God on my side. And one of the toughest lessons to follow through with is to focus more on being thankful for the things I have rather than what I don't have because in one short 24 hours I could have it all taken away.
As today is Mother's Day, I am truly grateful and blessed to have a mom like mine. Ever since I was born and before I was born God had a plan for me. Always has and always will, part of that plan was to be put up for adoption and to be adopted into the Scheel family. He knew exactly what I would need and what family would be equipped by him to help me through every surgery I face. My mom and I, we are a team. Through every surgery, doctors appointment, dentist appointment, orthodontist, the failures and the triumphs this journey has brought, she is always there! I admire her so much for her strength and her crazy love for me and every one of my siblings. Nothing stops her from caring for us and being the best support we could have. It's by no accident that she is my mom, God had her picked out for me! :)
Just like my last post, this is only one more page added to my book. I'll add another one once my surgery passes and I'm on the road to recovery once again!
Remember to keep smiling and be thankful every day for the life you've been blessed with :)
